LIVING WITHOUT WALLS (3) Healing of Inner Wounds Pt 1

The lichen breaks down the rock as Light and Love breaks down all that is not Love.


Aside: While I write this, Ishnahnay and I are yet again being asked to move on from where we are staying.  We came to this place to be in service, helping one who is healing or transitioning; or both. But like many elders, having a stranger in her home is too much for her.  So prayers are up for a new place, a safe and loving place for Ishnahnay and me by the 4th of May.  We give thanks for its grace-filled manifestation. 

(Continued from (2) …)

As the letting go process showed up in earnest, the first to feel its ramifications was my feeling body. Through my calls to the Divine and my greater unification with my Presence, all that was not Divine Love began breaking free and coming to the surface to be forgiven and released.

“I now release all that is within me that is not LOVE, cause, effect, record and memory. Thank you. So be it. Amen.”

“I intend all parts of self that are now open, where this energy was released, be filled with Light, Love and be brought into harmony.”

Part of this journey for me has been reviewing my past to glean the wisdom and understanding while forgiving and loving free all else. During the months after my reconstructive surgery on my right leg (2014) I spent many hours reclining on my couch rotating between doing rehab exercises, resting and doing what I call a life review compliments of my Presence, Spiritual Guides and Teachers.

They worked with me diligently to heal my mental, feeling and physical bodies of the extensive trauma that resided within me. This was in many ways like watching a motion picture of my life, with great emphasis on what had been unpleasant, leaving behind pain and sorrow of some level.

Much that had been unpleasant I had showed under the carpet of my conscious memory as a coping mechanism; a common technique for those who have experienced trauma of some kind. Yet there comes a time in our evolution that we must choose to acknowledge, forgive and release what has transpired in order to be free and move forward.

The Hoʻoponopono Prayer is a wonderful forgiveness prayer and ritual.  It is both simple and powerful to use.  

I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, We are One.

Variations include:  I am sorry, please forgive me, I forgive you, I love you, We are One, Release!

(For details of its creation and use I suggest visiting Wikipedia:ʻoponopono.)

For me this was (and is) mostly about forgiving myself. As in the inner knowing that I created directly or indirectly my experiences, it has always been easier for me to forgive others more quickly than myself.  Thus during my life receive came forth the wisdom from the experiences along with the Divine guidance to forgive myself every day, and to do so forever. This was a very intense and ongoing process, as I was a confined audience so to speak, and I had run up quite a karmic tab with myself.

During this amazing process, I felt my life, my inner joy, returning. And as I stood strong and balanced in my living room one year after the surgery, I spoke out loud to God, “Thank you for giving me my life back!” 

I truly felt a great new adventure was in store for my four-legged family and me. Little did I realize that this adventure would begin with what many refer to as “going down the rabbit hole”. My money was running out. I was physically strong, but not strong enough to do most of the labor jobs available in Mount Shasta and the surrounding area.  The book I was writing was almost finished. My photography was for sale, but not selling. I was (and am) too young for Social Security and truly at a loss as to what to do.

Night after night I dreamed I was sliding down the “rabbit hole”. Nothing that I attempted seemed to help. I would climb up, and then slide back down, each time descending further. So I finally let go and began the journey of understanding what “Let Go and Let God” really meant.

Now, here we were in Oroville. We knew no one in the human realm. Yet Ishnahnay, Mitchel and I felt a great loving presence watching us, guiding us,  in the trees, the earth and even the temporary home in which we were finding shelter. Divinely speaking, we were NOT alone. To Mitchel, our trauma recovery canine, this was just a fun adventure. Ishnahnay, was more aware of the greater task at hand and did her best to guide me and also to help me play.

But in the beginning, I was on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surrendering was not coming easily to me. In fact I was not really sure what it meant to surrender.  Trust and faith had become my new teachers. Just let go became a daily message from the Divine to my mind and ego. 

I knew that creating and allowing income to come was an absolute necessity in order for us to survive in any kind of comfort. While I worked on completing my book Holistic Emergency Care and Trauma Recovery for Animals, I also took what odd jobs came. But ultimately it was the kindness of others that kept food on our table, gas in our car and my cell phone (lifeline to the world) turned on.

There was great beauty around us in Oroville. So twice a day we went walking, me with my camera in hand. As we walked, I asked questions to the Divine and listened for answers to come…. 

“What did I do wrong?”

“What do I do now?” 

and a favorite …“What is it you are attempting for me to understand?”

Many days found me crying, even sobbing uncontrollably as the deep inner grief released from my body. I was overall very uncomfortable with this new process and felt I was being squeezed by God to let go of all that was not Love and to come fully back to harmony.  “Why?” I asked.  “Because it is the way home” the reply would come.

The time came when I was tired of crying and knew a great new step was required so that I did not get lost in another level of drama.  Slowly but surely I proclaimed “God I AM, let they will be my will!  I surrender my family and myself up to you fully and completely now.” I would sit in nature, breathe, waiting. But waiting for what? I really did not know.  Again the words: Trust and Just Let Go.

I was entering the world of “I don’t know”. Some more eloquently called this entering the Void; the place of letting go, of rebirth, and allowing through surrender to a great rebirthing within me to occur.

I Am the Light of the God I AM

I Am the Love of the God I AM

I the human does not know … I the God I AM knows all

Home into my heart I traveled, with determination as my traveling partner.  All that was walls within and out were shifting, disappearing, leaving me open and raw to be recreated through Love … the journey continues …

~ Blessings to everyone and everything

~ Kathryn Shanti Ariel